day11. wish you were here.

physically: dear family,

i miss yall so much. miss riding in the car to pick mama up from work, and moe rolling the windows down messing up my hair. i miss playing monopoly intensively with everyone. miss the constant company of friends and family. miss being surrounding by ppl that knw all aspects of me and still love me no matter what. i love yall so much and cant wait to see you, soon. :D

emotionally: dear ____,

dude, i wish you liked me as much as i like you. &&was here with me emotionally sharing the same feelings and wanting the same things for us that i do. i confessd my feeling to you now its time to get this show on the road!!!! lol.

day 5. letter to dreams.

"sweet dream or beautiful nightmare" -Bee

well dreams,

    i consider you the same as my wishes. things I hope to hppn in my life. i hope you come true for me. you are my bucketlist, my future, my accomplishments, and all that i will be known for. you are my plans for my life, the stories I will tell my children and hope will come true.
     you are also the movies of my mind that i watch at night. the ones that make me cry or scream or laugh about in the morning. you are what I tell my friends about at breakfast or try to remember as i tell my family at dinner.
    i really wish more ppl dreamd. i heard someone on time in my life from life or a movie say their life was too terrible to waste time dreaming. i disagree. dreamers have all different types of lives and circumstances but still find the time because it lifts their spirits or really makes ppl believe they have something to live for. their dreams. which will come true. <33 :)

dueces,

B

day 4. letter to my brothers.

malik,

i love you so much. you are always telling jokes and burning making the house so funn to be in. i always miss you when you go away on a trip or something. you're 14 now&i really see you as a young man &am proud of all the accomplishments you have made. i know you will do great things in your life and i cant wait to see them all take place. love you lots.

zontre,

you and i argue more than anyone else in the house, because you truly have all the same qualities that i do& most of them tend to clash with the other ones. i know you will also do great things in your life. i will also try to deal with you more, lol. without the arguing and fighting. love you.

day 3. letter to my parents.

mother: vickie elaine stevenson-sparks aka mama
father: sean anthony city aka daddy
step-father: maurise alphonso sparks aka moe

p a r e n t s

1. man and woman that had sex to produce you

2. man&woman that raise you&provide for you

3. two people you cannot stand but have

to deal with, &love without completely knowing why.

dear mama,

    you do so many things that do not completely understand, but i do love you. we never really get to have heart to heart talks because you always have something more important to occupy your time than me. i know that you do love me. juhst wish we did more mother daughter things. i know you will miss me when i leave for college&im going to miss you so much also. Moe says you are the only bestfriend i need or the only one i have something like that, because you do things for me that no one else will . i know our relationship will grow more and more as i mature and as you let me and know that i am maturing. you have been there for me and my brothers for so long without anyone else, and did everything on your own for so long, i am so proud to have you as a mom. ilysomuch. :)

dear daddy [funny how the little girl in me still calls you daddy, although the only part of the parent

definition you fit under is having sex with mama],

     actually in your letter i am not going to completely bash you, because for about 9 years of my life, you were there for me. &you and mama cared about my wellbeing enough not to really let me in on the disfunctional-ness of yuur relationship. i always loved being with you and hanging out. i loved going to detroit to visit your side of the family [that my mama absolutely hated]. but you pretty much disappeared i mean like at least two years after you left you sent us things, called, and came to visit. but then after that you completed left. YOU JUST SENT YOUR FIRST CHILDSUPPORT PAYMENT THIS WEEK. pathetic. my mother really doesnt worry about it like she should because she says its in god's hands and he provides for us. not you. i really dnt understand that about you. like somewhere in your head and/or heart you should think hey i have children that need clothes, food, and shelter. what if my mother wasnt doing well? and we couldnt rely on her? what then. you dnt care couldnt be caring. ...jerk. i really dnt care tho. some ppl with deadbeat dads spend their lives crying and worrying about it. i dnt have the time. dont call us, when we're rich b****. lmao.

moe [i never call you pop, stepdad, or anything like that, juhst weird i guess],

   you are cool, for like 80% of the time, but there is a 20% when your controlling, overprotective, and juhst plain crazy. i will never understand that 20% but its cool .glad to have you around and thanks for all the help you have given us. my mother really loves you, and i am amazed you have dealth with us for these 4 years.

where have i been?

it feels like i havent blogg in so long; well it has been 20 days almost; crazy

i knew that may would be a busy month for me and my family but never would i have imagined this..

everyday we are a my brother's track meet or my youngest brother's school event or wedding or graduation stuffs. mann this has really been a trial to see how much we are capable of doing. my mother is really stressed lately "bridezilla" :) &&really not fun to be around sometimes. my only goal was to really finish these examm &&get out of HfA haha. graduation uhhh. bittersweet. im happy to have accomplished 13 years of metro schools and to go to college but i am so sad to live my friends that I really juhst got close to this school year. i know i will cry at graduation. netta told me she will too. :( i hope we do lots of things together over the summer. im having boy trouble too. tony is out! he said he heard stuff about me &&i dont have time to make him believe me when i say who i really am. that's crazy. also trouble at home with the many things to do my mother seems to take everything out on me. &&friend trouble i guess. i never had a best friend before. or someone to really talk to about my life and everything; sometimes it really hard for me to know that. &&another crazy thing

as much as i hate CEC it has been a place i can forget about everything outside of work.

well that was juhstt a what's on your mind... burgg. facebook wouldnt have understood. lol. :)

mommy dearest

omg!!
my mother&&i are so different that we cannot possibly get along for more than 5 minutes
my mother&&i are so similiar that we cannot possibly get along for more than 5 minute
im not sure which one it is

hold on changing of subject; im watching the cavs&celtics game3 &&i juhst saw bj[beyonce&&hubby, jayz]sitting together. they look so cute. dawwwhhh. they both had on large shades all huggd up. do they rele have to wear the glasses though? i mean everyone knows its you. stop with that. geez. if i was famous well more famous than i am i wud show my face&pose. might be on the cover of something in the morning. :)

well my mother keeps being mean. &&it seems everytime i want to tell her something she like WHAT? like im bothering her. it makes me sadd sometimes and other times i get pissd. moe's mom tells me that she is juhst sad about me leaving soon;but when is that how to show you are sadd? she's being a jerk to me&&i hate it. maybe she's on her period...she's not. she is juhst mean to me. ughh.

well im going to end this now cause all im doing is saying the same thing over. lol. my mother upsets me. alot. uggh. ughh.uugh. need to go eat something. :)

"sometimes the most complicated questions have the simplest answers"

last night i watch Wendy William's Show [<3>

do you think boys and girls should have the same chores?
-yes; i am the big sister of two younger brothers and it seems sometimes i get treated as both a boy and girl [doing all the hardest chores] juhst because im the oldest... not fair! i use to do the dishes; a chick job&&clean the kitchen/bathrooms. my age 13 bro: malik, vacumned and took out the trash &&oh emm geeez my younger brother age 10: tre, wipes the freakn tables&&cleans the glass [we have tons of mirrors in my house, not that we're conceited or anything, :)] recently malik&&i did a choreswap [hey, that shud be a show] and i vacumn and take out the trash while he washes dishes and does kitchen stuffs. the bathroom is still the job of whoever gets yelld to do it. lol. i still do not feel that we have any equality in our chores, but oh well. when i come back from college; im nott doing ANYTHING!! [well unless i get yelld at]

shud the woman give her engagement ring back if the wedding is off?

a little background info: wendy has a guest on her show last night that made an agreement with her fiance'&also had a written contract that if she paid for the bills [utilities, house, groceries, etc] that he could save his money for her ring. he gave her a $40,000 ring [ddnt look that good to me, it was little; lol] for her birthday okay hold on, how is your bf gonna give an engagement ring to you for your birthday..that aint right. during their 5 month engagement she had to continue to pay the bills without his help ....
....to many dannnng problems. lol aint happening
-i think the woman deserves the ring&&then some. Wendy commentd on her strength to call off the engagement because it can be embarrassing. if i was this chick i would want some extra $$$$$ for three simple reasons:

1)hassle of trying or thinking of putting a wedding together

2)putting up with you for god-knows how long

3)paying the friggn bills, oh emm geez

something really funny:

some chick from the show told wendy her wig fell off after making about on her first day witha guy.

i have nothing against wigs but thats funny.

*what would you do if your wig fell off or even track slipd out when you first met a guy?

*do you kiss on the first date, like this wigwearng heffa?

comment&&ansah. :)