tattoos

i have really been thinking

about tattoos.

if i really want one &&stuffs.

like i knw i want a nose piercing ... cute for now&can be taken out later when neccessary

but a tatt is permanent.

what if i get something i like?

is it that important to have on me forever?

ughh. really cant decide.

i saw one i really liked too

of a birthday in roman numbers...so cool. &&small.

umm. juhst another thing to think about . :D

day 7. letter to ex-boytoy

tony,

yea im sending this letter to you.. so you can see how "out-of-pocket"-Kara[XULA] you moms is.
these are our message on facebook.

you wall.

meh: aye, you knw i still have that dogtag tell me if you want...jusht in my jewelry box. :)
you: yeah I do..
meh: k. i can put it in cory mailbox
you: ok ...
your mama: you better get that from her
meh: he will
your mama: thanks but i was talking to my son
meh: k. but i saw it first so i commented first

my messages.
your mama: I don't know why the attitude with me. All I said to TONY was you better get that from her. So, why do you feel the need to come at me with the smart aleck comments? I have nothing against you so I really don't know why you feel the need to act that way. Best of luck to you in whatever you do. Tony got into school...something you never thought he would do since you said he would never amount to anything. He will amount to something. He is already much more than some.
meh:okay.. ms. tammy


you need to calm down just for a second. tony told me he told you when i said that ,but you probably dont knw that i apologized a million gazilion times for it. i never meant it i guess it was juhst such a stressfull day aka my prom! you knw. but i knw that still doesnt excuse that. but i always knew he would/will do great things in his life. [rele wouldnt have liked him if i thought other wise]

&&& about the attitude on the wall post. juhst seemed like you were acting like i wanted to keep it or something. haha. i remember when he gave it to me i was juhst playing about wantinng it... well side tracking . he will get it back. i moved so i will have to put it in cory's mailbox or tell him where my new place is. but its in a safe place.. in my jewelry box. no worries. &&no hard feeling.

you have a great son . . sorry for making you think i thought otherwiise. :D

god bless you&&your family.
 
 
 
haha, hilarious.
wish you alls the best boy.

Moments with God.

[sunsets make me think of heaven :D]

Happy moments.

Praise God

Difficult moments.
Seek God

Quite moments.
Worship God

Painful moments.
Trust God

Every moment.
Thank God

#fear

today on my way to work...moe [stepdad] tried to get my mama to drive on the interstate ..and she was so afraid. i began to think of how she never drives on the interstate nor on jefferson street bridge. when i was little she told me she saw someone jump off the jeffbridge&&that triggerd her fear.

i am very afraid of heights and escalators...they are related fears. my fear of heights keeps me from wanting to see myself "escalate" higher and higher.

i have been thinking about how ppl let fears control them and their lives.
one is never in full control of themselves if they have fears that pick apart things they will never do in life.

i really want to overcome my fear. but i knw it will be a while.. i really want to though
i do think that it is taking over my life.
like ppl with OCD. lol. well not funny.

day 5. letter to dreams.

"sweet dream or beautiful nightmare" -Bee

well dreams,

    i consider you the same as my wishes. things I hope to hppn in my life. i hope you come true for me. you are my bucketlist, my future, my accomplishments, and all that i will be known for. you are my plans for my life, the stories I will tell my children and hope will come true.
     you are also the movies of my mind that i watch at night. the ones that make me cry or scream or laugh about in the morning. you are what I tell my friends about at breakfast or try to remember as i tell my family at dinner.
    i really wish more ppl dreamd. i heard someone on time in my life from life or a movie say their life was too terrible to waste time dreaming. i disagree. dreamers have all different types of lives and circumstances but still find the time because it lifts their spirits or really makes ppl believe they have something to live for. their dreams. which will come true. <33 :)

dueces,

B

my week=oh emm gee.

My week meaning since june 7th[when I got the job] til now!

Dear followers&readers,

Sorry for not giving you any information on my exciting life and/or giving you anything else to read. It has seemed like ive been working nonstop lately, ever since I got the job at Clothes Mentor. Do not take me wrong I love the place and the check I get today of course, but dangg. lol. Now I know how shelz was feeling when she worked a straight week. Then when I get off its no relaxing ,blogging , anything... we straight packing boxes and moving stuffs into the new house. We were suppose to be done by Mon then by the 15th today! but neither one of those happnd unless they move the beds in today, I really miss blogging. &when i want to my brothers&cousins are on their Facebooks, Twitters, and stuffs. [rediculous right] well thats all of where I been. But i will be getting back to those letters&ive gotten a new scrapbook to do my fashion one. $8 at Walmart!! It has the cardstock ppr stickers and everything. I was gonna start last night but couldnt find glue or scissors lol. but i did divide my looks for mag.. i need get new mag also.

well toodles.

B

#tu tu

tu tu

skirt made of at least 80% tulle.

usually worn for ballerinas; well

they once were.

now 1000000 black girls everyday or wearing these

with tennis shoes [forces,chucks,jordans] to look

what they think is CUTE.

maybe i havent been told about this new style.

i dont understand

i remember i first saw that it was a style at

Maplewood Graduation last May.

like 5 girls were together wearing green tutus

a spray painted tee with green words

and some spray painted forces with green on them.

today really made me think while i was at work today

a little girl had a huge tiedye colored tutu

with some j's ...whatever happend

to the bbys with prettyfull dress and lacey socks. ..

guess thats over.

day 4. letter to my brothers.

malik,

i love you so much. you are always telling jokes and burning making the house so funn to be in. i always miss you when you go away on a trip or something. you're 14 now&i really see you as a young man &am proud of all the accomplishments you have made. i know you will do great things in your life and i cant wait to see them all take place. love you lots.

zontre,

you and i argue more than anyone else in the house, because you truly have all the same qualities that i do& most of them tend to clash with the other ones. i know you will also do great things in your life. i will also try to deal with you more, lol. without the arguing and fighting. love you.

day 3. letter to my parents.

mother: vickie elaine stevenson-sparks aka mama
father: sean anthony city aka daddy
step-father: maurise alphonso sparks aka moe

p a r e n t s

1. man and woman that had sex to produce you

2. man&woman that raise you&provide for you

3. two people you cannot stand but have

to deal with, &love without completely knowing why.

dear mama,

    you do so many things that do not completely understand, but i do love you. we never really get to have heart to heart talks because you always have something more important to occupy your time than me. i know that you do love me. juhst wish we did more mother daughter things. i know you will miss me when i leave for college&im going to miss you so much also. Moe says you are the only bestfriend i need or the only one i have something like that, because you do things for me that no one else will . i know our relationship will grow more and more as i mature and as you let me and know that i am maturing. you have been there for me and my brothers for so long without anyone else, and did everything on your own for so long, i am so proud to have you as a mom. ilysomuch. :)

dear daddy [funny how the little girl in me still calls you daddy, although the only part of the parent

definition you fit under is having sex with mama],

     actually in your letter i am not going to completely bash you, because for about 9 years of my life, you were there for me. &you and mama cared about my wellbeing enough not to really let me in on the disfunctional-ness of yuur relationship. i always loved being with you and hanging out. i loved going to detroit to visit your side of the family [that my mama absolutely hated]. but you pretty much disappeared i mean like at least two years after you left you sent us things, called, and came to visit. but then after that you completed left. YOU JUST SENT YOUR FIRST CHILDSUPPORT PAYMENT THIS WEEK. pathetic. my mother really doesnt worry about it like she should because she says its in god's hands and he provides for us. not you. i really dnt understand that about you. like somewhere in your head and/or heart you should think hey i have children that need clothes, food, and shelter. what if my mother wasnt doing well? and we couldnt rely on her? what then. you dnt care couldnt be caring. ...jerk. i really dnt care tho. some ppl with deadbeat dads spend their lives crying and worrying about it. i dnt have the time. dont call us, when we're rich b****. lmao.

moe [i never call you pop, stepdad, or anything like that, juhst weird i guess],

   you are cool, for like 80% of the time, but there is a 20% when your controlling, overprotective, and juhst plain crazy. i will never understand that 20% but its cool .glad to have you around and thanks for all the help you have given us. my mother really loves you, and i am amazed you have dealth with us for these 4 years.

day 2. letter to crush.

crushes. boys i have liked that havent like me back. :(

but i will survive! lol.

haha russell gramberry,

for a good laugh ima start with you.

when i like you, you still had hair but was confused on what to do with it

your funny and have the cutest smille.

i like you..but that was it a LIKE nothing serious.

i still love you [as a friend] to this day. &am okay to keep it

that way.

john wallace,

ima back track&go to you.

i had a crush on you since 4th grade in mscole class.

all the way to middle school.

even during my boyfriendship with robert wade.

you have the prettiest smile&eyes. that made me melt. teehee.

i almost cried when you got married to another girl under the jungle gym.

that's prolly why i pushed her off the swing.

okay, back to high school&

daniel james garrett,

boy i have liked you for too long.

make myself tired thinking of it.

you like white chicks.

we all have figured this out.

but why do you have to be sooo cute? &dress so well?

so many times i gave up, and decided to juhst be okay with being friends

but you would do something to confuse me.

guess it was juhst plain flirting without any intent;

i remember in mshandy's creative writing class

 we always sat together in class&in the computer lab

mshandy even askd if we had something, but outside i said NO. inside saying I WISH!

lol. looking back, man i wanted you bad.

hhaha. goodtimes.

sarah w. would always joke to me, about "yo man" haha

man..daniel james garrett. i could go on and on. revealing the inner secrets of

my heart, but my hands cannot even type it all. followers cannot even read it all.

my heart cannot even pour it all.

to end it all. i have decided that being your friend that you can come to

is better than not having you in my life at all. so glad i met you.

ilyboy. :)

justin claybrooks,
yeah. you boy.
i had a crush on your swag&personality.
but your such a womanizer. i need it would be nothing but a crush.
&the fact. you cant stand me.
but still had a crush on your pretty eyes. &how you could make a laugh
all the time from the crazy things you did.
i am really gonna miss sitting by you in the cafeteria in the morning
laughing with everyone from how crazy you are.
you cute.. all that. haha.
yuur head finna get so big.
but you need learn how to treat a lady.

side note: problem with cute boys they think they dnt have to be as
polite as ugly ones to get chicks.
they really dont but still try to be.

okay back to you. love you boy.

ATTN ALL OTHER BOYS:

if you name was not listed about i really did not like you that much. juhst thought you were cute.

or you had someother problem. or on a better note.

something actually hppnd between us. :)

thats not bad though. haha. try harder.

i n t e r v i e w.

brittany briana city has an interview tuesday, july 6th at 1:00 for a job at Clothes Mentor. a consignment clothing store, similar to Plato's Closet [actually next door]. Hope I get it, well to have for July; terrible. lol. :) wish me luck... <3 tell you how it went.

CLUBBIN pt2

okay last night i went to another 18+ club! oh yea i did.

BARFLYS.

it was cool at first i wasnt really feeling it netta said it was usually dunk[er] not quoted. lol

umm. i wore a pinkishpurp blouse, black shorts, belt, &black pumps. [oh yea i wore heeels]

my feet felt like crapp

i had no idea why they were throbbing. haha.

umm. it was a cool experience and as the night progressd it got better.

mistake: had this iraqi [duno] guy buy me a drink

he stalkd me after that.

oh yea i went with netta&sandi, met chelsea, jasma, shadawn, &cherise

mann cherise saved my life talking bad to dude. he had my cornerd.

i never felt like that before.

saw terrence scott to.

the cutie that only want the booty

he ddnt speak at first but eventually did.

oh yeah&

mickey d's startts breakfast at 12 now . say what??

got 2 hashbrowns, sausage biscuit, tea, and doritoes after club. lmao.

my night in a wrap. breakfast burrito wrap haha.

dueces.

day 1. letter to yuur bestie.

im starting these letters. [inspired by netta, sandi, &&shelby]

bestfriend,

wish i knw who you were or better yet wish we found each other. someone to share secrets with, have insiders, and wear bff necklaces from Claire's with. i never really had a bestfriend. the closest i got was in kindergarten, Natasha. i loved kindergarten because no one discriminated; we were all the same. even the same color. Natasha was white, but i rele ddnt knw and/or care. elementary school you were no where to be found. then in middle school i had a little clique with Lakeia and Mariah. [funny like im saying names as if you knw.] but they were already bestfriends although i knew them since elementary. then that group grew to adding Tyresha and Latisha; who were also already attached. sooo....it was like i was stuck btwn to groups of bff's. umm. middle school you were no where to be found. in high school, looking for friends, acceptance, all that jazz. i became friends with a posse' [lmao] DO6 &hated for it. but like always they were already best of friends. &;even when one was made at one they still had 3 more girls to talk to about it. so i can say; high school you were really no where to be found.  but i did find some wonderful friends [you knw who you are] that i could ask for. they are the closest i have been to besties and i will always cherish our friendship . ilyall. :)

but luckily in college in the process of learning even more about myself. .. i will find you. &you will be a handsome young man with a great career in the future [marriage material] heyy. he's gotta be my bestfriend too. :)

p r o d u c t i v i t y

prō-dək-ˈti-və-tē
1. the quality or state of being productive

2. the rate per unit area or per unit volume at which biomass consumable as food by other organisms is made by producers

this summer i feel that i have been very [un] productive. the opposite of the definition above. CEC is giving me terrible hours and i only work like 3 days a week rarely more. i have finished some on college stuffs, but dang. i need to get somethings on my list accomplished. most days i wake with no set agenda; guess that is some part of summer but i really need something to do... but when my mother has something for me to do i dnt want to ..either im lazy or its not what i want to do. prolly both. lol

ohh yeahh . thinkin about dying my hair. too bored. haha. wnaa dye the back half blond or the front half a lighter color. ..tell meh what you think.

b o r e d o m is a disease so f r e e mehhh. haha.

where yuuh been guhh!

ohh how ive missd blogggn :)

i been so busy; well not rele. lol i dnt knw why i havent been on. well the past weeks ive been looking for a second job since i hate CEC&&all annd they give terrible hours. i rele need to save money for school. ive been hanging with Netta Dobbins her crazy butt. i went to the 1st, 3rd,&&possibly my last MITP. its gotten ratched, too popular. "i feel like a chaperone in this bishhh." lmao. tnight is game7; so excited! i rele cant believe this month is almost over. ohh yea and we're finally moving saturday. we have lookd for a house suitable for our family since i've been in high school! &now everything has come together. thank you lord. kinda sad im leaving right when we get one but oh well. im on twitter now too. so
follow me @dubbledutchh promise to blogg more. kick everyone off my laptop. lol. i got a newone but cant figure out wifi&web stuff i knw stupid right. lol ... im figure that out. i also need to upload like a 1000 pics [not exaggeratng] from so many diff times; juhst never did.

<3 bri.

if i were a b o y.

my dating psycology is starting to e v o l v e.
i have decided that for now; ima try to think like a boy when it comes to dating&love.
ima talk to a variety of different types of dudes. &this might help me refine my taste. :)
currently i talk to like 4 or 5 boys.
i am not a permiscuous [spelld wrong] girl
but boys like the chase and dont deserve to be chased. i have figured out.

one boy "cuteface"; met at LAX
is cute&this has brainwashd him to thinkng all girls will approach and chase him
wrong!
he has came after me more and harder knowing that i do not seem interestedd
might juhst want sex

two boy "oldhead"; met at kenyas&on fbook kinda
he is experienced and I rele dnt understand y he is even interested
but ima jusht go with the flow...came to see me at work today too. [no boy has done that]

three boy "flipflirt"; we have talkd before
i been attracted to him
he's soo cute. juhst came to see me today. :)

four boy "stephon"
loved me
hated me
loved me
wants physical

five boy "younger"
ummmm
thats all. he's younger.  stupider. slower. confuser.

ohh yea&&tony kinda in the picture in the corner. lol

boys. boys. boys.
im not a [p l a y e r] i jusht [c r u s h] alot

:) <333333

suntime. :D

even though i already have established a bucketlist [on the leftside of this blogpage] i wanted to make a list of goals and ideas to do for the last summer before college.

• ride a ferris wheel wiith a cutie
• save $2000 from checks, grad money, etc [i have never really saved money, but i have started]
• find a summer romance "oolala"
• go white water rafting
• host a dinner party for me&&my girls [like on bball wives]
• MITP, every week.; but dnt get shot :(
• ATL tripp
• New Orleans tripp
• beach trip [Datyona, Myrtle, Virginia, etc.]
• zoo!!
• aquarium.
• have a girls night! [at my new cribb]
• make a music video for youtube.
• volunteer at an animal shelter
• super scrapbook of everything [including this summer] to warm my heart when im away at college
• a lookbook. of all my styles
• go to a drive in movie

if you have any ideas for me. comment!

true Life; i graduated from Hume Fogg Academic High School

[ima] g r a d u a t e

yesterday at 7:00 pm i graduated from high school. it was an amazing experience&&the speech Sam B. gave as great! i got kinda "antsy" when they got to the Ns &&i was kinda ready to go! lol. i could see my friends wipes the tears from their eyes and it juhst touched me so much. i could not help but to think about how spread out all 189 of us will be next year. some people say since we have technology like facebook, skype, and cell phones we will always stay connected; but i notice how my mother has a phone and rarely talks to her high school friends. :( and i dnt think it is juhst her choice not to its juhst life. people will make families, careers, travel, and find other people along the way. i hope that my award as Most Memorable really means it and not only will ppl remember me but try to keep in contact with me as the years go by. i want to always be part of my close friends life; i wana go to their wedding [alex&zach] i wana go on shopping trips to new york [shelby&sandi] i want to always be included in the major events in their lives like college and grad school graduation. i hope that we all reach the goals we have set out for ourselves even if some change here and there. i hope we all go to spring bling together. &&everyone attends the high school reunions. lol. im really gonna miss everyone. from the crazy pep rally, the yells in the hallway, the fashion talks, the black ppl section at breakfast, the eating out on the steps at lunch or in wahls room of course. to my high school frendz; "you rock dont ever change" lol.

if i were a boy!

in my 17 years of living i have learned the many differences in boys&&chicks, but i think since we have to share this earth forever we should learn the way each other thinks and the effects we have on each other to make this life happier. :)
boys do not seem to understand the effect of the things they do have on us girls.
uggh ..my friend is having some relationship problemas of her own &&it seems like her ex.bf or whatever is doing all the wrong things.

• boys dont tell your friends or other ppl that you have broken up. this tells the chick that you dnt even wana see if yall can make it work.
• boys dont juhst basically cutt a girl off and not talk to her for days or weeks. &&then out of the blew txt "hey boo" "ily".. anything of that nature. this is some [beep] i rele hate its as if boys think you have to stay and wait for them to get their act together or be done with what they doing with they "lil freak"
• its time for boys to learn. the boundaries. aint no one saying you cant have girls as friends but you know the ways things can seem &&you need to set boundaries for you and that chick... for respect. i find that really disrespectful for my bf to be hanging out with a girl solo dolo. wth. ...no! lol.

boys need to actually listen to what chicks say. we dnt talk juhst for you to see our lips move. &&they also need to think about how their actions or what they say to others and how it can off.

okayyy. got that off my chest. boys juhst crazy. i know they mature like 2years later but dangg. :)

where have i been?

it feels like i havent blogg in so long; well it has been 20 days almost; crazy

i knew that may would be a busy month for me and my family but never would i have imagined this..

everyday we are a my brother's track meet or my youngest brother's school event or wedding or graduation stuffs. mann this has really been a trial to see how much we are capable of doing. my mother is really stressed lately "bridezilla" :) &&really not fun to be around sometimes. my only goal was to really finish these examm &&get out of HfA haha. graduation uhhh. bittersweet. im happy to have accomplished 13 years of metro schools and to go to college but i am so sad to live my friends that I really juhst got close to this school year. i know i will cry at graduation. netta told me she will too. :( i hope we do lots of things together over the summer. im having boy trouble too. tony is out! he said he heard stuff about me &&i dont have time to make him believe me when i say who i really am. that's crazy. also trouble at home with the many things to do my mother seems to take everything out on me. &&friend trouble i guess. i never had a best friend before. or someone to really talk to about my life and everything; sometimes it really hard for me to know that. &&another crazy thing

as much as i hate CEC it has been a place i can forget about everything outside of work.

well that was juhstt a what's on your mind... burgg. facebook wouldnt have understood. lol. :)